A Very Nice Story
by ZB
by ZB
Spell Directory:
Manducare braccae: eat pants
Manducare algentem: eat broccoli
Naribus: nose creator
Pullum: turn into a chicken
Harry: I will defeat you, Voldemort!
Voldemort: No, you won't.
HP: How do you know?
V: Harry, I am your father.
HP: What does that have to do with anything?
V: I'm not quite sure.
HP: Alright. Well, let's get on with this duel to the
death.
V: Prepare to die, Potter! Manducare braccae!
HP: AH! I HAVE PANTS IN MY MOUTH!!!
V: Beat THAT!
(Dumbledore walks in)
Dumbledore: What is going on in here? Harry, why do you have pants in your mouth?
HP: He did it, Professor! (Points at Voldemort, who eats Dumbledore's hat off)
D: OH NO YOU DON'T, TOM RIDDLE!
V: DON'T CALL ME THAT!
D: I'LL CALL YOU WHATEVER I WANT, NOSELESS!
V: You just crossed the line. (D and V duel; Hagrid walks in)
Hagrid: Why do you have pants in your mouth, Harry?
HP: Don't
ask.
H: Here, lemme help. Manducare algentem!
HP: NO! I HATE BROCCOLI! IT MAKES ME CONSTIPATED!
V: Nice going, Hagrid! We could be great friends!
H: Sorry, I only like people with noses.
V: (Stops dueling) Naribus! There you go.
H: No, you freak me out.
V: (Offended) Manducare braccae!
HP: (In great pain from constipation) Now you know how I feel. (Fred and George walk in)
Fred: Why does Harry have pants in his mouth?
George: Why does Hagrid have pants in his mouth?
F: Harry, why are you looking constipated?
G: Don't insult
him, Fred. That's his normal face.
HP: NO IT ISN'T!
D: Yes it is.
F, G, V, H, HP: NOBODY ASKED YOUR OPINION! Aren't you supposed to be dead anyway? (Snape walks in)
Snape: Actually, he is supposed
to be dead. But dead people seem to be coming back to life all over the
place: take me, Tom Riddle, and Fred for example.
G: Fred's not dead!
F: Actually, I'm not really Fred.
Everyone except Fred: WHAT!?
F: (Takes off costume) I'm Nicolas Flamel.
G: And I thought you were my brother? That's just messed up. You're, like, 600 years older than me.
H: But aren't you supposed to be dead too?
Nicolas: Yeah. But I'm not really Flamel either, so that makes things less complicated. (Takes off costume) I'm George.
G1: WHAT!?
George2: Yeah. You aren't really George.
G1: Yes I am!
G2: Prove it.
G1: (Gets out driver's license) It says so here.
G2: Oh. Well then I'm not George either! (Rips off costume) I AM GILDEROY LOCKHART!
Everybody excpet Lockhart: Really?
GL: Yep.
HP: (Complaining about constipation) MAKE IT STOP!!!
GL: Here, I'll do it!
HP: NO! You've already 'healed' me enough!
GL: Silly boy! I could never heal you enough! Pullum!
HP: (Turns into chicken) BRAWK BRAWK BRAWK!
D: I like chickens.
S: Yeah, they're nice.
V: This one's kinda ugly.
(McGonagall walks in)
MM: Why are Harry and Hagrid eating pants?
H: Don't ask.
S: You really don't want to know...
MM: (Sees chicken) Is that a student?
Everyone
except MM: No, it's a chicken.
MM: WHO IS IT?
GL: Harry Potter.
MM: Oh, well, then it's okay. (Moaning Myrtle comes in riding on the basilisk ghost's back.
Myrtle: YEEHAW!
H: Look away! (Everyone looks into basilisk's eyes)
(Three weeks later; the Dursley family walks in; Dudley slays the basilisk
ghost)
Vernon: Oh my.
Petunia: Good heavens!
Dudley: YES! HARRY'S GONE! (Neville walks in)
Neville: I've got the Mandrake Restorative thing!
Dursleys: NO! (Neville pours it on everyone and changes HP back into a person)
HP: Thanks Neville. Problem is, I'm still constipated.
D: Nobody cares, Harry.
V: I
care.
S: Why do you care?
G: He's his dad!
V: Yeah, but that's not why I care.
MM: Why do you care?
Myrtle: Because Hagrid made him constipated and Hagrid is cool!
V: One hundred points to Ravenclaw.
H: I don't like Ravenclaw.
Everybody but H: SHUT UP! (Mr. Sykes walks in)
Mr.S: YODEL!!! (Everybody dies; Draco Malfoy walks in)
Draco: OH NO! (Somehow brings everyone back to life, including the basilisk and Myrtle)
Myrtle: HAHAHA! (Basilisk eats HP, H, and S)
V: NO!
D: I trusted
Snape!
G: Professor Snape.
D: Shut it, Weasley. Twenty points from Slytherin.
G: But I'm not-
D: Shut up or it will be another fifty!
G: Fine.
GL: Let's go to the Chamber of Secrets!
Everyone but GL: NO!
GL: Oh, yes. (Disapparates)
V: You can't disapparate in Hogwarts! (Gets eaten by basilisk)
G: Well, this has been interesting.
Dudley: Totally. (Everyone leaves)
THE END!
(Characters from Harry Potter by J K Rowling)
