(Peggy, Gandalf the Grey, and The Futile Lord are walking in a forest)
P: I'm really not enjoying
myself.
FL: YOU SHOULD BE! I'M HERE! I AM YOUR FUTILE LORD!
GG: Of course. That explains why I'm really not that happy.
FL: Hey!
GG: Just trying to make Naribus laugh... she said she wasn't having a good time...
P: SHUT YOUR FACES! I HEAR SOMETHING!
(Legolas walks out)
L: Hey guys! What's up?
FL: AAH! ELF! I HAVE A FEAR OF ELVES! KEEP HIM AWAY, KEEP HIM AWAY! (Hides behind P)
P: Um, could you please not hide behind me? It makes me feel like there's someone behind me.
GG: No, really?
L: Enough chit-chat!
FL: I like talking.
L: SHUT YOUR FACE.
FL: Fine, you jerk!
L: YOU DID NOT JUST GO THERE!
P: Yes he did. (FL and L start a really intense game of Rock Paper
Scissors)
L: I WILL WIN! (Rock)
FL: NO I WILL! (Scissors)
L: HAHAHA! You really are futile. (Paper)
FL: (Rock) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Stomps on L's foot; Snape walks in)
SS: Alright you two, break it up! I'm your Guidance Counselor and you will tell me what's going on.
GG: No they won't.
SS: DUMBLEDORE???
GG: Gandalf, actually, Mr. Dimwit Head. Pleased to meet your acquaintance, Alan Rickman.
SS: Your's as well, Michael Gambon.
P: Who are these Alan and Michael people?
FL: I think they're actors.
L: OOH! OOH! I WANNA BE AN ACTOR! I am Johnny Depp!
FL: No! You're Legolas!
P: (shocked) How could you? He is quite obviously Rupert Grint!
(Ron walks in)
RW: There's two of us? TAKE THAT FRED AND GEORGE! I HAVE A TWIN TOO!
(Fred and George walk in)
FW: Right, and I'm purple.
G: Is that who you really are? Wait... can purple even be considered a person?
FW: No, I'm actually Faramir. (Rips off costume)
G: Why don't I believe you?
F: I AM FARAMIR WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! YOU CAN EAT MY PANTS!
G: I'm good, thanks. I just had breakfast, you see.
GG: George, it's 10 at night.
G: Riiiiiight. I meant...BRUNCH!
L: That's still too early.
G: Okaaaaaaaaaay... LUNCH!
FL: Really?
G: (Angry) YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT REALLY GEORGE!
GG: Here we go again... (sighs)
SS: (Annoyed) WHO ARE YOU?
G: (rips off costume) I'm ARAGORN!
Everyone but A: EEK! ARAGORN IS THE COOLEST GUY EVER!
A: Please, no pictures.
GG: (Pulls out camera)
YOU'RE TOO COOL!
A: WHAT DID I SAY?
GG: You said no pictures. I am taking photographs.
SS: Kids, let's not
fight.
A: I'm older than you.
GG: That's a pretty good comeback, you gotta admit it.
SS: 500 points from Slytherin.
GG: Riiiight. That's your own house, you idiot. I don't go to school anymore, either.
SS: YOU ARE CROSSING LINES THAT SHOULD NOT BE CROSSED, WIZARD!
FL: Yeah and you SO are NOT a wizard...
SS: Shut your face, futile. Now, Gandalf the Grey, PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MATCH.
GG: You got it, sista.
SS: Sista?
GG: You look like a girl.
SS: AVADA KEDAVRA!
Everyone but SS, GG: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GAAAAANDALF!
F: Why must the good die young? (Cries)
A: I'm certain Gandalf wasn't young.
FL: He could've been older.
P: This is too sad! (Bursts into tears)
L: I miss him already. (Sobs)
RW: Why am I still here?
SS: I'm leaving now.
RW: Take me with you, please!
SS: NO! (Disapparates)
RW: AARGH! (Disapparates)
(Elrond walks
in)
E: Hey, guys! What's up?
L: Not much.
F: GANDALF DIED!!! (Everyone cries)
E:
I can fix him. (Brings out book called "How to Fix a Broken
Gandalf/Dumbledore") With my handy book called "How to Fix a Broken
Gandalf/Dumbledore" by Argus Filch!!!
A: Never heard of it.
E: You need to read more and QUIT STRUTTING AROUND LIKE THE KING!!!
A: Um, Elrond? I kinda am the king....
E: Oh. Well, in that case, STRUT MORE!
A: Fine... (Struts around in circles)
Five years later
E: I FINALLY HAVE FOUND
THE CORRECT SPELL!
Everyone but GG: YAY!
A: Can I stop strutting?
L: Please do!
E: Here goes nothing... (Pulls out Elder Wand) Salve
Gandalf! Quomodo? Prohibere mortui! Revixisse vos nunc nos sunt omnes
itatristis sine te.... Posset te venire? Amabo?Pulchellus placuerit a
massa saccharoet glacies cremor sundae cum brownies et aliquet et
scelerisque condimentum etcerasa et fraga et effercio? Optime enim
ratio. I spem eligere sapienter! (GG comes back as Gandalf the White (GGW))
GGW: I AM BACK!
Everyone: YEAH!!! (There's this big party that lasts at least ten years, then Mr. Sykes shows up)
L: Who
invited you?
MS: Nobody.
L: Then you can't come in.
MS: Oh yeah? YODEL! (Yodels at L, who passes out)
E: OH NO YOU DON'T, MR. PSYCHO!
MS: Actually, my name is- (GGW eats him)
GGW:
NOBODY interrupts MY Back-from-the-Dead Party! (Lets out a tremendous
yodel; everyone dies) Oh no! (Burps out MS) Sorry, dude. BRING MY BUDS
BACK TO LIFE!
MS: Fine. (To L) Vita! (L is alive; to P) Leben! (P is alive; to FL) Lavi! (FL is alive; to A) Buhay! (A is alive; to E) Saol! (E is alive; to F) Vivo! (F is alive) There. They're back. Can I leave?
Everyone: PLEASE DO! (MS leaves)
GGW: What a party pooper! Now nobody is in the mood for partying... (Bilbo Baggins walks in)
BB: I AM!!! (Crazy music comes on, insane lights start, a disco ball comes down, and BB dances like a madman)
GGW: Wow. Peggy Frodo Naribus, your cousin is THE BEST HOBBIT EVER!
P: Why thank you!
BB: TURN UP THE MUSIC!
FL: Nobody knows where it's coming from....
BB: (song changes to yodeling people) OH YEAH! BOOGIE DOWN TO THE YODELS! (dances even more crazily)
Everyone else: NOT YODELING! (They leave)
BB: I LOVE THIS SONG! (dancing by himself)
THE
END!
